Hi all you fellow cult members, this is Kristie Ceith reporting (if you can call it that) from the floor of our Messiah's conference. I am having to walk over bodies on the floor, seems our cultists have difficulty sitting in chairs. The amount of people attending are but a handful but hey, a handful can make a difference, right? Besides, can always lay claim to more, after all we are the cult of Winograd and lying is our specialty.
Bonney Brown gave a presentation on handling cruelty cases. Strange actually considering that she allowed adoption to a man who used a cardboard cutter on his adopted dog. Maybe she should talk about how you can reduce your numbers by adopting out to homeless people. After all why shouldn't a person had a pet just because they aren't able to take care of themselves? Bonney looked forlorn without her best friend, Mitch. Bonney's best advice is to stuff them in any available hole, just as long as the numbers look good.
Her secret to success, make it easy to adopt. Do those freebies and BOGO sales, move 'em out, what happens after the fact doesn't matter. If you care about quality of life, then you are in the wrong business, we are all about quantity of life.
Then Dr. Dowling come on, a vet who is evidently making money off of us. She didn't have too much to say other than pets fear pain. So why is she here? "No Kill" is not in the business of offering relief from that pain, we are in the business of causing pain with our hoarding cult members. We're proud of those members and we don't need a vet telling us that pain is a factor.
I especially enjoyed Ryan Clinton and Ellen Jefferson. Ryan is always welcomed because he is more drunk than I am. You know how us "No Kill" koolaid drinkers are, we like to share. Ellen talked about the possible cruelty charges from those kittens in San Antonio. She claims it is under control and there was never any cruelty. Just because kittens died from lack of vet care and feeding, doesn't mean they wouldn't have died anyway. Not our fault, says Ryan Clinton. Just because we are overcrowded and the council just this week refused any increase in money, doesn't mean we are a failure.
John "Simplemind" Sibley was next to talk about his work, or rather his propaganda machine. "Blogging is not journalism" was his battle cry. If that is so, then why is he so scared of a blogger that he specifically mentions her. Blogging may not be journalism but it sure gets attention. Unfortunately the person he mentions is causing waves for the cult, but we shall overcome by lying about her. Our Messiah has been challenged many times to produce evidence of his claims about her and I am sure that he has that evidence somewhere. Simplemind went on to brag about himself, the koolaid has that effect.
John sez to avoid these things in blogging, he needs to tell these to the Master since the Master is the master at doing these things. The Master always writes in the hateful language but he forgives Simplemind for bringing these up, after all the name, Simplemind, says it all and we do have to have sympathy for those of lesser minds. Wonder if the koolaid works the same on those kinds?
"Spewing" constant negativity. Frothing at the mouth? Stop blogging. Get it out, but don't publish it.
Reliance on shock/graphic photos and techniques.
Spelling/grammar mistakes -- draft in Word if you need to
Too much unnecessary detail; Boil down to essence.
Then there is the Biscuit. She does have a problem with interpretation of what she reads but hey, she is a cult member, we have to support her even with her short comings. We overlook the fact that she has failed to make her own local shelter "No Kill" but she works hard.
And then there's me. I talk about journalism. I talk about how I have been able to pull the wool over eyes by claiming to be a journalist when in actuality I am a breeder. Of course us breeders love Nathan Winograd, he is the best thing that has happened to us since the invention of the rape rack. Just lie, if there is one thing you will learn from reading Redemption is to lie.
So now one more conference is over and our cult is recharged. We will go out and create more Spindletops. We will go out and scam the public like we did at Boggs Mountain. We will continue to push our CAPA legislation even though we failed miserably last year. We will continue to bring hoarders in to clear out the shelters. We will continue to lie, lie, lie, to destroy shelters. We are "No Kill", we are proud of our cruelty.
This is Kristie Ceith reporting and looking forward to next year. Already plans are laid to meet in a Jiffy Johnny at Nevada Humane. That's the only space left available there. Sounds like fun, see you then.