Desperate Action Alert from ALL DESPERATE LIARS (ADL-LA)

March 11, 2011

Subject: Stop the Killing: Overcrowding from warehousing and Suffering Acceptable

Our inside janitorial staff sources tell us that great things are starting to happen at each of the City's six shelters. Although the previous Desperate Action Alert (DAA) was condemning shelter employees, this DAA is now praising those same employees. You might ask, "Why the turn around?" and the answer is this. We, at All Desperate Liars, are doing all we can to make our gal, Breeder Barnette, look good and it's hard to find anything that can actually do that. In the past, we have posted letters of condemnation of LAAS customer service, although we have to admit that the good letters far exceed any bad letters. But we need something to make our gal more acceptable, even something that has nothing to do with her. We believe that people should not be turned away from adopting from the shelters even if they are gang members wanting pit bulls or known hoarders. Those are the ones who wrote those past letters about poor customer service, the ones that can write.

Never before have we posted the nice letters that flow continuously into the shelters so why are we doing that now? Because it wouldn't have served our purpose. We had to have something to complain about, didn't we? Now we have a reason to bring these nice letters into the light, we want to help Breeder Barnette to bring "No Kill" to our shelters. Yes, we know the history of "No Kill" and we are aware of the open door shelters it has destroyed, but who cares about "those" shelters, not us. We just accept the pitiful explanations given by our Messiah Winograd without question. We want to see all shelters gone anyway. Free the animals and let them live naturally. Unfortunately we are unable to find very much positive press, none actually, on Brenda Barnette, so it is our duty to distort the truth to pimp our message. Especially now that we have our new BFF sitting on the Animal Commission, taking our message there. She makes us look good with her law school education.

We aren't questioning why adoptions are going down and euthanization is going up under our gal, Brenda Barnette. It's never been about the animals with us, it is just about US! Oops, not US any longer, it is about me, Pammie, there is no US any longer. We don't care that Brenda Barnette is shipping out animals into the unknown, outta sight, outta mind is the motto of "No Kill". Besides we take the stance that the decreased adoptions and increased euthanasia is due to a lack of budget for advertising, that is a good excuse.

Even though Brenda Barnette could at least include something about spay/neuter on her press releases, we still say it is a lack of advertising that is keeping adoptions down and the killing up. Brenda Barnette has also made it so difficult to locate information about spay/neuter on the LAAS website, but we feel certain she has her reasons for doing this and who are we to question her? Whatever her reason to now make the website user un-friendly can only mean she is working toward "No Kill". We'll just keep our fingers crossed that people won't give up their pets because of this lack of information. Her recent press release says to get that license but doesn't mention any programs to help people get their pets altered. Again, we don't question that decision because if impounds go up from people surrendering their pets over a license, we can always claim it is due to the lack of funding for advertising.

What is amazing to us is that despite our best efforts to paint the shelters as killing fields with barrels of dead animals and poor customer service, people are still adopting from the shelters. We do our best to keep people away so we have more to yell and scream about with the intentions of trying to get our "own" people hired for positions. After all that has been our goal, our only goal, since our inception. We don't volunteer, we don't take animals out of the shelters, we just want our "own" running the show. We consider our mouths and our pipe bombs to be our volunteer work.

Speaking of advertising, we think it should be paid for by the taxpayers. Why should Brenda Barnette take money from her budget for it or make an effort to get free ink about spay/neuter on her press releases? Therefore, we won't help in any way to get free advertising because it is the duty of the taxpayer to pay for it. Some feel that the very least we could do is pull weeds that are overcoming our shelters, making them unattractive to the public. We aren't gardeners and besides there is ONE volunteer who is trying to do this and we praised him in our last DAA. He should be able to cover all the shelters within a year and then he can start all over again.

Barnette is smart in saving taxpayer dollars by utilizing this one volunteer. We, the All Desperate Liars, feel that the money is better spent on warehousing animals so the numbers look better than they actually are. The money saved is better spent on sending Barnette to meetings with breeders to get them to donate newspapers to the shelters. Besides when have you ever known us to step up to the plate on anything other than sending out our Desperate Action Alerts to a handful of people. We also do our share of splashing red paint on private property and cars, throwing bricks through windows, and climbing onto balconies to scare children, all in the name of "No Kill". It's a dirty business but someone has to do it.

Our next meeting is scheduled for Tuesday at the McDonalds on Pico. We thank that crew for their generous offer of providing Big Macs for everyone attending. Don't wear your Satan suits, we don't want to be recognized of course.

Heil Nathan Winograd, Heil Brenda Barnette.